Sunday, January 4, 2015

You win some, you lose some...

What a fuckin year…

I've been doing this blog shit for a minute. Like, a long minute. Before "Tubby Blog", as most of you all know it, I would do my blogs on my myspace page (that I haven't been to in years, in case you were fittin to go there. Best of luck, though) and do these lil year end, rap list thingies, and even BEFORE myspace (I'm 33. I've been apart of this digital age since the genesis, mi amigos. Ground floor, Zeus shit, kids, respect the history!) I was on Friendster, posting my mediocre, poorly produced rappity raps (pre-Raw Beatzz era), harassing females (ask Lala) and writing these stupid blogs. So, yeah, I've been doing this a while. But this one may have been the hardest to start writing. It's been a long year…

My mentor died. Let's just get right to it. Tim Dawg (the guy taught me it all. Who I am, the person you know right now, is truly, largely due to that man. Honestly.) passed away this summer and I could write an entire blog specifically on the emotional and psychological affects from his death, but I'll save you the violins and tissues and just say it was a major blow to me, personally, as well as the entire local Alaskan hip hop community. Tim will truly be missed. 

One thing Tim loved was hip hop. I fucking LOVE hip hop. Like, obsessively. All parts of it. Every sub-genre of it, just... all of it. People who are extremely nerdy/passionate/obsessive about something in particular tend to notice the same passion in other people, and our love for hip hop was very similar. We were always doing lists… "Who's your top 10 _______ (rapper/producer/album, yadda yadda yadda)?" Something about hip hop nerds and lists… haha. 

So, if you're reading this… here's my lists, Tim. (side note: the lists not related to hip hop, i.e: "Tubby's Favorites On Social Media", "2014 Creeper List", etc. would just confuse the hell out of Tim, and he'd say something like "You're a fag." and go back to making beats, ha.)

Disclaimer: These lists are not based on sales, popularity, lyrical intricacy and/or billboard chart placements. These are simply my favorites in each respective category and if you don't like it, feel free to go back to surfing The Chive or stalking your ex on IG. I'll understand. Here we go… 

Best Beats 
  1. Who Do You Love - YG (Produced by DJ Mustard)
  2. Hell Of A Night - Schoolboy Q (Produced by DJ Dahi)
  3. Multiply - A$AP Rocky (Produced by Curtis Heron)
  4. 6 God - Drake (Produced by Boi 1da & Syk Sense)
  5. Fire Squad - J. Cole (Produced by J. Cole & Vinylz)
  6. Devil Is A Lie - Rick Ross feat. Jay Z (Produced by Major Seven)
  7. IDFWU - Big Sean (Produced by Kanye West & DJ Mustard)
  8. Break The Bank - Schoolboy Q (Produced by The Alchemist)
  9. Seen It All - Jeezy feat. Jay Z (Produced by Cardo)
  10. Walk Thru - Rich Homie Quan feat. Problem (Produced by Dupri & Problem)
Jingles of 2014 (best songs, in no specific order.)
  1. Hell Of A Night - Schoolboy Q
  2. Who Do You Love - YG feat. Drake
  3. Break The Bank - Schoolboy Q
  4. Multiply - A$AP Rocky
  5. Often - The Weeknd
  6. Days In The East - Drake
  7. Fire Squad - J. Cole
  8. Hold You Down - DJ Khaled featuring Chris Brown, Future, August Alsina & Jeremih
  9. Don't Tell Em' - Jeremih feat. YG
  10. Cadillactica (or any other song on that album, for that matter) - Big K.R.I.T
(note: "Man Of The Year" would have been on this list, but the song was technically released in 2013)

"I'd rather listen to kittens burning in a fire." (Worst Songs)
  1. Hello - J. Cole (the beat, the cadence, all of it is just painful to listen to. I just can't)
  2. Fancy - Iggy Azalea (I liked "Pussy" when it first came out. Everything after that has just made me hate her more & more, this one in particular.)
  3. Any song by Young Thug
Best Rap Albums
  1. OxyMoron - Schoolboy Q
  2. Cadillactica - Big K.R.I.T
  3. My Krazy Life - YG
  4. Some Love Lost - Joe Budden
  5. 2014 Forest Hills Drive - J. Cole
  6. Lord Steppington - Evidence & Alchemist (Step Brothers)
  7. PRhyme - Royce 5'9/DJ Premier 
  8. Mastermind - Rick Ross
  9. Nobody's Smiling - Common
  10. Seen It All - Jeezy
Boner Jams 2014 (Best in R&B)
  1. Drunk In Love (Weeknd Remix) - The Weeknd
  2. Often - The Weeknd
  3. Party Next Door 2 (album) - PartyNextDoor
  4. X (album) - Chris Brown
  5. Hold You Down - DJ Khaled feat. Chris Brown, Future, August Alsina & Jeremih
  6. August Alsina (Artist)
  7. Majid Jordan (Artist)
  8. Nirvana (Harry Fraud Remix) - Sam Smith 
  9. 24 Hours - TeeFli feat. 2Chainz 
  10. 2am - Adrian Marcel feat. Sage The Gemini 
Tubby's Top Rappuhs
  1. Drake 
  2. Schoolboy Q
  3. Joe Budden
  4. J. Cole
  5. Action Bronson
  6. A$AP Rocky
  7. Big K.R.I.T
  8. Common
  9. Royce 5'9 
  10. Crooked I/Joell Ortiz (Slaughterhouse) 
Sweet 16 (Favorite Verses)
  1. Em's verse on the Shady Cypher (A lil more than 16, I know… It's Marshall. *Shrug*)
  2. J. Cole's 3rd verse on "Fire Squad" (Die, Whitey, Die. Ha!)
  3. Jay Z's verse on Jeezy's "Seen It All" (Hardcore Hov fans know.)
  4. Drake's verse on YG's "Who Do You Love" (Not lyrically intricate, I know. Sometimes intricacy just isn't necessary.)
  5. Jay Rock's verse on YG's "I Just Wanna Party" (Shit makes me wanna do mad pushups and join a set.)
I Don't Always Make Lists, But When I Do… (Most Entertaining Artists)
  1. Action Bronson - Not necessarily my favorite rapper, music wise, but definitely my favorite rapper, entertainment wise. Love that fat fuck! He can't do wrong.
  2. Joe Budden - Joe has always been up there on my lists, and not always because of his music. Though, I relate to and appreciate Joey's music more so than most artists, his presence on social media/television has kept me entertained for years now and only adds to what he has to offer.
  3. Drake - Over the years, I, along with many fans of Aubrey, have been scrutinized for liking the guy, but let's face it. Drake is the man. He makes good music. He can rap & sing and does both well (same old argument, I know) and has shown to be quite the entertainer, overall (Saturday Night Live, Anchorman 2, whatever awards show he hosted a few months back, I think it was for sports, so I didn't watch). To hate on Drizzy is like bitches who hate on Beyonce. C'mon, bro…. 
  4. The Weeknd - Brick loves lamp, and I love Abel. This isn't breaking news. Homeboy puts out great visuals, intentionally stays relatively quiet/mysterious which adds to the interest and still to this day, the dude hasn't put out a song I didn't absolutely love. Weeknd is still king, over here. 
  5. Jay Z/Kanye - Between Kanye being Kanye, and Jay continuing to rule the gotdamn world, how could they not be on this fucking list?
The Coveted No Cialis Needed Award (Sexiest Women In Entertainment List)
  1. Ronda Rousey (UFC Champion)
  2. Jhene Aiko (R&B artist)
  3. Beyonce (R&B artist and queen of Planet Earth)
  4. Amber Rose (World Famous Gold Digger/Whore, BM/Ex-wife of Wiz Khalifa.)
  5. Tinashe (R&B new comer)
The Brick List (Disappointments In Rap)
  1. Blacc Hollywood - Wiz Khalifa (or just Wiz Khalifa in general… as a person. Ha.)
  2. Ferg Forever - A$AP Ferg
  3. Hood Billionaire - Rick Ross
  4. Animal Ambition - 50 Cent
  5. Watch The Throne 2 (or the lack thereof) 
The Board Room (Top Producers)
  1. DJ Mustard
  2. Harry Fraud
  3. The Alchemist
  4. DJ Dahi
  5. Mike Will Made It
"Death Is Promised" Award (Most Hated Category aka Tubby's Annual Death Wish List)
  1. DJ Khaled (Who has been #1 on this list for 3 years running. He just won't die. Fat fuck's like Bruce Willis in the Die Hard movies, but not as fucking cool.)
  2. Migos (I hoped Chief Keef and his buddies would've got the job done. Such a let down.)
  3. Tyga (for so, so, so many reasons.)
  4. Iggy (I used to want to impregnate her… then I heard "Fancy".)
  5. DJ Khaled (I figure if I put him on the list twice this year, then jussssst maybe...)
Hangin Tough (New Kids On The Block) / Rookie List
  1. August Alsina
  2. Ty Dolla Sign
  3. Vince Staples
Best Album/Single Artwork
  1. OxyMoron - Schoolboy Q 
  2. The Pinkprint - Nicki Minaj
  3. My Krazy Life - YG
  4. Small World - Rome Fortune
  5. Good To Be Home - Blu
Best Visuals
  1. Fuck, That's Delicious - Action Bronson
  2. Easy Rider - Action Bronson
  3. Often - The Weeknd
  4. i (both video/live performance on SNL) - Kendrick Lamar
  5. Anaconda - Nicki Minaj (*Shrug* C'mon, I'ma guy…) 
"It Was The Best of Times…" (Favorite Moments In Hip Hop)
  1. Lil Wang flipping out on Baby/Cash Money, announcing Carter 5 would be his last album
  2. Tyga exposing himself as the fuckin cornball we all knew he was
  3. Meek Mill exposing Wale for the fuckin cornball we all knew (thanks to Cudi) he was
  4. Amber Rose leaving Wiz Khalifa ("Can't turn a hoe into a housewife, fool!")
  5. Puff Daddy beating up Drake 
"It Was The Worst of Times…" (you get it.)
  1. No Watch The Throne 2 album
  2. Me singing along to No Flex Zone all gotdamn summer, smh.
  3. Wiz Khalifa and that gotdamn purple hair. 
The "Scratch Nuts & Sniff" Award (Guilty Pleasures in 2014)
  1. No Flex Zone - Rae Sremmurd
  2. No Type - Rae Sremmurd
  3. Try Me - Dej Loaf
  4. Bobby Bitch - Bobby Shmurda 
  5. Tuesday - Makonnen feat. Drake
(Note: Rae Sremmurd and Dej Loaf also win the award for "Worst Rap Names in 2014")

"No touching of the hair or face… and that's it!" (Favorite MMA Fighters of 2014)
  1. Jose Aldo
  2. Johny Hendricks
  3. Jon Jones
  4. Anthony "Rumble" Johnson
  5. My baby, Ronda. 
The Farmer's Market (The annual local rapper list)
  1. Fleetwood Malone
  2. Keezy of The Sky Division
  3. Money Mann (DJ Spann)
  4. Muldoon Manny
  5. Josh Boots/Phonetic (tie)
Note: Like every year, I must clarify, this isn't the "Best Rapper in Alaska" list. This is who I consider to be the top dawgs in 2014. Artists who put out new material, stayed relevant via shows, music, social media, and word of mouth. Not necessarily my favorite artists, musically. These are guys who worked hard and stayed in the ears, eyes, and mouths of the general public. For example, Money Mann and Muldoon Manny are 2 artists whose music, I'm not super into. It's just not my cup of tea. It doesn't mean their music isn't good, or that I'm hating, I just haven't heard a lot of their material that just absolutely captivated me, yet. I can be quite the music snob. With that being said, I will gladly say that those 2 individuals were the hardest working artists in the local rap community in 2014, other than myself (do remember, I put out 2 professionally produced/mixed albums this year as well as helped out on "Viva La Fleetwood", the best rap album to come out in Alaska this year, in my opinion, but I'm excluded from this annual list, so I'll shut the fuck up about all that). Say what you want about Muldoon Manny and Money Mann, but musically, no one put in the effort those 2 men did this year and for that, I salute you both! These are my top 5 for this year. Sorry, not sorry, to those who may feel a certain way. Work harder, fuckin bums! 

Favorite local songs that I didn't make, ha. 
  1. "907's Own" - Keezy & Josh Boots (Josh Boots also wins this year's "Local Verse Of The Year" for "907's Own". Shit is filthy!)
  2. "The One" - Fleetwood Malone feat. yours truly
  3. "Church Is In Session" - Phonetic feat. Madchild
Tubby's "Favorites" (My Annual "Likes" List)
(Laughing with you, laughing at you… does it really matter? Here's my favorite people on social media)
  1. @AKBrizzle
  2. @AK_BMoney
  3. @HeebsyDoesIt
  4. @akvaught87
  5. @BrookeBurnett93
  6. @KeezyFlyDiv
  7. @DaA6e 
  8. Mike Pedarock (local Anchorage rapper who literally is on Facebook 24/7. Whether it be his constant ramblings, his not so subliminal attacks on other rappers such as Skitzo Scoe, or his non stop "hand over mouth" selfies, which he has stated in interviews was inspired by my own stupid ass selfies from back in the day, Pedarock has definitely force fed his presence onto the local social media/hip hop community. Love him or hate him (most probably hate him, ha.) you know who he is, and to a lot of us rappuhs, that's all that really matters.)
  9. Mannish Da Jula (A very pro black/anti-everything local Anchorage rapper who is very opinionated as well as funny when he wants to be.)
  10. Money Mann (the selfies alone, have given me more than my fair share of chuckles, this year… ha. Love ya lil buddy!)
(Note: There would have been a 2nd person sharing the #1 spot with Brizzle, but as I'm typing this, it appears that Kristin Adara is no longer on twitter. A very funny lady who is constantly sharing over the top personal stories of her family, job, and love life in a self deprecating yet humorous way. With that said, it's hard not to think perhaps her tweets are the reason she is all of a sudden M.I.A. So because of her disappearance, Bryce gets the numero uno spot for dolo, this year.)

Tubby's 2014 Creep List
(My annual list of the most attractive chicks on social media not named Janie Ma. Hashtag, I'm sleeping on the couch tonight. *Jadakiss laugh*)
  1. @RavenMcAfee (twitter)
  2. @letuligasenoa (twitter)
  3. @BrookeBurnett93 (twitter)
  4. @akvaught87 (twitter)
  5. @k.adara (IG)
  6. @queenlbee (IG)
  7. @anakmcduffy (IG)
  8. @lindseynoelleb (IG)
  9. @sahurrah (IG)
  10. @uuluudrake (IG)
(Note: I know this might be a mind blower to some, but many things can make someone attractive other than a pretty face and big tits, just in case you were mumbling shit to yourself right now. A pretty face definitely helps, though, ha.)

1st Ever "Man Of The Year" Award 
Celebrity: Action Bronson 
Local: Timothy "Tim Dawg" Lewis

And there you fuckin have it. The best, the worst, the sad, the funny, the pretty, and the ugly. This has been this year's Tubby Blog Awards. Next year I will be adding a couple other entries such as a battle rap category (both local and celebrity), a local skateboard category, and "Tubby's Pornhub Clips Of The Year" (it would've taken me another 6 months to weed through the nominees this year, trust me. I got lots of faves, ha!) I'm also debating on doing an actual "show" presentation for the next one, which should be interesting and/or a massive failure. I got a couple other cool lil ideas for next year, but as we all know, I smoke a lot of pot, and tend to change my mind/get distracted easily. We'll see. Anywho's, it's 5:20pm on this lazy sunday afternoon and I've yet to put on clothes (yup, wrote the majority of this butt ass naked, b! Respect it) or eat anything, so I'ma go put on some boxer shorts and socks and make some ramen. I'll see y'all in 12 months. Try not to die. Laters. 

Oh yeah… Happy Birthday Josh Boots! 


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